went for healing service today at church with Pastor TB Joshua as the preacher. it was like.. -wad an experience-. service supposed to start at 8.30am, but by 8am it was already damn packed. ha my family reached at like 7.30am i think. and we took up one and a half rows. anw to be frank, i dislike healing services. it's too scary. witnessed a few ppl who were previously in wheelchairs and could walk after healing..and many who had spirits released from them. i wouldnt mind that much if i was at national stadium like the last time, or indoor stadium whereby a crusade will be held the next two days, but the fact that the healing process was in the coos audi made much impact. =x difficult to say here. anw the whole service lasted for like 5hours? after which he made his way to the tents outside church where more ppl were waiting.

went back to rv/sa building yest..met yangqin juniors! =D quite happy that it was full attendance (although w/o lx, but we are used to it.) err, i think the rest found the meeting alright. but the fact that the youngest two looked damn sian made me damn sian too. sigh. anw, shall meet them on 13th dec for another meeting! (:

life goes on.. with bits and pieces of regret.

and so.. people do have many comments bout wadeva i blog abt.. esp the one on my clique. and obviously the comments are mostly from the people in my clique. i am fine with it. cos they are meant to be read by the public. seriously speaking, i am damn damn damn tired of all these. somehow i feel that i can no longer trust anyone anymore. gotta trust myself now. i can't believe i am feeling stressed over these dumb problems. i am freaking confused. and i am not making a neutral stand so as to maintain my friendship with both sides. none of this crap. and i am saying this cos i bet there'll be ppl thinking that way. somehow i just don't agree with some things being carried out. i am REALLY glad school's out now, so that i don't have to dismiss myself from the clique and become a loner. =s

give me more time and yeaaaaa, i'll be back to my usual self. ha.

i bet i was just trying to be brave last night. ha. this week suddenly not many activities already. am suppose to be at vivo with the rest now. but i cant imagine combing the entire area for clothes, esp prom dress. come to think of it, don't really feel like going for prom. ha but it's 60bucks this time. i will feel guilty ai i miss it. haha. i am so not looking forward to the hols now. except for meeting rvco peeps this fri and sat..2C chalet..and ok that taiwan trip. don't think im gonna organise another pri sch outing, cos the turnout was bad last yr.. haha but must try to get the sa peeps out! urghhh.

ah what's the point of typing all this.. haiz.. just feel like lying on the bed, stare at the ceiling, and reflect upon my own stupidity. )':

there's no hatred. it's just too bad for me la. ha. it's time to move on!! go go go!!!

i contemplated for a long while, if i should put this down.. seriously speaking, i am in such a huge state of confusion that i am having difficulties putting my thoughts down.. i was once so neutral bout this whole issue.. then i was pulled to one side with the majority.. yet, now that i think of it, some people's views bout this whole issue may not be entirely correct.. then again, i constantly have to remind myself that it's not the time to judge who's right and who's wrong at this point in time. everyone makes mistakes. nobody's perfect. so it's only right for us to give others a chance for repentance, cos we'll nv know when we need this chance. perhaps it's easy for me to say this, cos throughout this 2years, i was never the victim. nevertheless, i need time. just like the majority of the clique, i need time to get over this.

i admit i may have some negative remarks for a certain someone. whether or not things are gonna change, i guess i still have to accept her. we went through alot together. our similar interest that got us together..all the times we spent to put up a good performance..our laming around..i guess all these really outweigh the negative side of her handling of some things. it's mean of me to keep these remarks to myself and to tell a few others after i could no longer contain these thoughts, without the intention of correcting her for her own good. but im learning now, to help a friend and to accept people for who they are.

it's been tiring having to face all these problems these 2years. i've met with the most problematic bunch of people in my whole life. i am sorta glad school's over. i need a break. everyone else needs it too, i guess. things will never be the same again. feelings may be superficial. actions on the surface. but i just wanna remember all the fun-filled memories ive had with them. i just wanna forget the rest.

song of the day!! k one and ivy hsu's hu si luan xiang!! (((:

i remember my affliction and my
wandering,
the bitterness and the gall.
i well remember them.
and my soul is downcast within me.
Yet this i call to mind
and therefore i have hope:

Because of the Lord's great love
we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
i say to myself, " The Lord is my portion:
therefore i will wait for Him."

The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him,
to the one who seeks Him.

Lamentations 3:19-25

i've never been so dependent on Him before..